By nature, most married couples, regardless of age, are quite competitive.
Well, sometimes it’s a basic tenant of the result of co-habitating together.
Argument avoidance is clearly the objective.
I have found that the longer we live under one roof, the more we tend to revisit the ongoing “how things should be done” conversation and it usually ends in more laughter than disagreements fortunately in our household… Something like”go ahead, you make the lasagna then!” or “I know your family always celebrated this or that special occasion by reviewing the baby photo album!”
The thermostat wars are an ongoing, often a hormonally induced shouting match that has to go straight to the feminine category of “you’ve got to be kidding!”
When fingers and toes are numb despite wool socks and gloves that are worn “in the house” it’s time to turn up the heat.
HOWEVER, now the “smart thermostats” are clearly on the side of my smart husband who controls the device from his smart phone… how ridiculous that when we leave the house the temperature will drop to a lower setting determined by …you guessed it!
Thank goodness it’s almost summer.
Then there’s the grocery shopping conundrum. I’ve written about “my guy in the kitchen” which means HE mostly gets to choose everything that goes into our shopping cart whether it’s on sale or not. THAT is not how I was taught to shop. Aisle by aisle he pursues what I believe are the most expensive items that I can’t even pronounce the names of to add to a recipe I’ve also never heard of.
Nothing that he tosses flipply in that cart relates to what we discussed was needed for dinner that evening…but I get so worn out by his enthusiasm for a new kind of spice that I just give up crushing his heart, most of the time.
I can’t forget to compliment his efficiency as we walk out of the grocery store for fear he’ll just suggest I cook that night. THAT’S not happening.
Thank goodness for google maps or so one would think, right? Wrong…
One of us trusts GPS like our life depends on it and the other recalls a time when we arrived at the same destination in question in a shorter time frame…back in the early 1990’s. Good Lord! He’ll swear that the luncheonette was right “there” on that corner…arguing with me about “why” it was taken down…25 years ago.
Back at the ranch, we often help each other during the course of daily chores…not that folding laundry is considered a chore but apparently it is a major feat for some! I am personally comfortable admitting that I have never been able to master the folding of a fitted sheet. And ya know what…I just don’t care. Bunching up that queen sized bed covering in a ball and shoving it into the closest works for me…not for both of us though.
I’d mention teaming up in the kitchen to cook dinner but I’d be completely lying about my involvement and all my friends would call me out on it. So I leave the master to his work (and damn it he’s really good at it too) and I set a fine table, pour the wine, light the candles and await what I know will be pure perfection. I’ll give him that in the “he definitely does it better.” category.
I’ll conclude with one more because I could go on and on…it has been 50+ years of competition…nearing Olympic status.
The remote control power struggle. Ok, here’s the story (as I recall it and embellish it to my heart's content). I have a minor issue that can be considered medication worthy…but that’s never going to happen.
It’s a level of OCD that rivals his and so if during the middle of the night I find that my bed covers are disheveled and I look over to the nightstand and I detect the remote control is missing…two things happen.
I put on the night light and get out of bed to re-make the bed so that I can sleep in it without feeling like it’s about to engulf me and leave my frozen toes exposed. Then I begin the search for “where the remote has hidden itself on this night. “
I’m usually about 6 minutes into my midnight re-organization when…”yup”...HE awakens and asks not so sweetly…bleep, bitty bleep am I doing?”
Even though it’s clear I’m re-making the bed and smoothing out the covers and trying to find the remote…
He’s not amused. Which takes looking for the tv controller twice as long…
I mean, if I rolled over under this mess of sheets and the two layers of heavy blankets and the remote then responded to the weight of my body buried somewhere at the base of the mattress, which then turned it on and blasted the television, I’m thinking he might be even more than annoyed.
But in truth, he often tries to help me and eventually that allows for the peace and quiet to resume even if it’s only HE who falls back to sleep.
You’d think by now, since this happens about twice a week without fail, we’d figure out a better solution…but hey! We haven’t yet.
Who does “IT” better is surely the glue that puts the fun into any long term relationship. At least for us it does.
Pat Larsen is a syndicated columnist, author & fitness instructor.
Her second book, Bridges…connecting then to now , is due out in late Spring.
It’s a love letter to the greatest generation called Baby Boomers that will have you laughing, crying, reminiscing and proud to have grown up in this era. Invite Pat to do a reading for your group…she’d love too!
Pat loves to chat with her readership also…feel free to give her a call. 518-275-8686
